Saturday, August 8, 2020

The Dark Side of Blogging


Several of you have emailed me or reposted your comments concerned that they did not post. A bit of explanation. There is something on Blogger called comment moderation. It allows me to review your comments before they appear. Depending on my schedule, this can take minutes or hours - I don't check my email every minute.

Most of the comments I reject are spam - generally foreign websites embedding their website links.

Then there are the licentious ones like where do I hide my red silk panties and do I wear crotchless pantaloons when I posted pics of my closet. Pantaloons? I will leave the rest in this category to your imagination.

Or the person who commented on my tandoori orange bathroom that I just lost $10,000 when I go to sell my house and she thought I had good taste but she was wrong.

Or the person who told me I needed to change myself for GG.

Or the person asking if there had been an investigation into the death of my husband. I ask you, could anything be nastier or in worst taste?

Then there are the negative jerks commenting on my taste - one commenter on my HG palm lamps this week left a big X - FAILED. Blogs are free, if you don't like my taste, find a blog closer to your own style, but don't unleash your negativity here.

And when I posted on Covid it was meant for people to be less judgmental and more humane in their interactions and I got a few crazies wanting to be divisive.

The dark side of social media in general is the ability to be unaccountable for such nonsense. I refuse to have you read this garbage and will not have it on my blog. So if your lovely and thoughtful comment does not post immediately just chill, it will in due time, assuming it is not underwear related - LOL.

74 comments:

  1. Beth, you're just the best! Your closing made me laugh. No undies!!

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  2. i loved your comments on cover and common sense! kindness and being rational are being forgotten, and its a great reminder that like is complicated, and we are in this together.

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    1. A girlfriend of mine said to me yesterday that this pandemic is making people either more kind and empathetic, or even meaner and nastier. Some truth to that I think.

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  3. I'm so sorry that you are subjected to those ugly comments. Your blog is a something I look forward to reading everyday. Your positive can do attitude is something we all need to see in these difficult times. I am so impressed with how quickly your are making your new home your own.

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    1. I totally agree with Susan's comment. It mirrors my own feelings.

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    2. Thank you all. I am highly motivated to getting back to living my best life. I appreciate all the support very much.

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  4. Thank you for keeping this place fun and kind-spirited by weeding out the meanies. It's not easy to do a blog, especially in this day and age of so much negativity, but you do a great job of making your blog a place I want to visit every day.

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    1. Thanks so much - it is a nice outlet for me and I so appreciate my followers' support.

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  5. Thank you for being real and kind always, your a HG shopping genius. Love your style and being brave and bold....don’t change a thing, your perfect the way you are.

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  6. Congrats on your new journey & FAB home! I love your blog, and your transparency. There are lots of us that don't comment, but who are quietly in your corner. I love your style, even when it does not line up with mine at times. I still enjoy looking at everything and celebrating your finds. People need to take a chill pill.

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    1. Thanks for following - great to know you are out there.

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  7. I have never commented on blogs much but I really enjoy following your blog since we like so many of the same things in decor and the location in which we live. So sorry about such rudeness that you have experienced. If we would only treat each other as we would like to be treated.......
    Blessings,
    Michelle

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    1. PS I saw one of the palm tree lights at my Homegoods today! 🌴😎
      Michelle

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    2. I have loved HomeGoods for years, but it's also very nice right now to do something normal. Much needed. Thank you for following my friend.

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  8. People can be mean and it's too bad that they choose your lovely blog!
    I look forward to your blog all the time!

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  9. Beth,
    Your blog is a treat I look forward to reading every day! It is a wonderful combination of beautiful decor and objects, decorating tips and the treat of learning new sources, gardening, and your beautiful spirit, wisdom, and sass. Your joie de vivre shines through every post.
    Unfortunately, as Taylor Swift sings, "Haters gotta hate." It takes no courage to be a keyboard warrior and armchair critic. The $10,000 loss in real estate value for one paint choice? It takes a very educated eye to appreciate the sophisticated, elegant, and joyful choice of tandoori orange paint in tandem with your beautiful wallpaper for a bathroom. We decorate our homes to please ourselves. Your blog gives pleasure to so many who appreciate you. Thank you for the generosity you show in allowing us a window into your new adventure and beautiful, joyous life.

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    1. Well said, Design Doctor! I couldn’t agree more!

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    2. Thank you for this exceptionally lovely comment. And as for the tandoori orange, my daughter and I have the exact same taste in everything and my intent is for this to be their second home down the road.

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  10. I just feel sorry for small-minded people that think they can hide behind a computer and spew hate. I love your blog and your stories and pictures fill me with happiness each and every day! Keep doing what you are doing and deleting the hate!!

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  11. It saddens me that you have to address this poor behavior. I comment to show appreciation for folks' efforts. If I don't enjoy a post, I don't feel compelled to tell the blogger. People have developed an unrealistic sense of self-importance. Negative comments are unkind and reflect poorly on those who posted.

    Good for you that you moderate this site. It's just another reason why your subscribers look forward to your hard work.

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    1. Thanks - it's strange to me that people think such comments would be welcome.

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  12. Your's is the first blog I read (with anticipation) every morning. Don't let the "haters" get you down. It's seem's there are more and more of them creeping into every aspect of life. I think I speak for the majority, just keep on doing what you're doing. So many of us are happy to travel your journey with you! Cheers!

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    1. So nice, thank you. My followers mean so much to me.

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  13. There are folks out there who are just plain 'ol mean and can make themselves feel better for a few minutes by being rude. Anonymity makes it easier but you can be sure they're no fun up close and personal. They pride themselves for being honest but in reality they are insensitive and ill mannered and people don't like to spend too much time around their toxic personality. They'll never know why because polite people will never tell them.

    When I visit this blog, I feel as though I am visiting your house to which you have kindly invited me. You show me around you fix me a drink, maybe a bite, you tell me about all your lovely finds and share a bit of your life--a gracious hostess who deserves nothing less than a well mannered and appreciative guest.

    Your goodness shines and I bet you could be a best girlfriend a girl can have.

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    1. This comment made my day, seriously. Thank you for your lovely daily comments - so very much appreciated.

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  14. Thanks for zapping them. No, we do not want to read their garbage. xo

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  15. I agree with every word you wrote. It appears to be a part of our society now,just say whatever is in your head. Not gentile at any glance. Thank you for eliminating those comments. Your home is lovely,you enjoy it,continue to write. Many,many of us look forward to each post. Happy day!

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    1. Yes, social media has emboldened rudeness. Thank you.

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  16. Thank you! Keep up the good work! I’m sorry you have to deal with the nonsense!

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  17. Dearest Beth;
    People lash out with negative comments because it makes them feel powerful. It has been my experience that envy is a major component of rudeness.
    You bring a lot of pleasure into other people's lives and right now, with all the bad news we hear each day, that is no small thing.Keep it up.
    As to criticism of your color choices- well, whose house is it? Does the real estate maven live in it? If Tandoori orange makes you happy , have it. If a prospective buyer doesn't, paint is cheap and easy. Who cares? And BTW, to that person, I spent my working years in the design trade.
    Lastly, don't you dare, for one moment, give any room in your head to the suggestion that you should have changed for GG.How about this novel idea- he should have changed his behavior for you. He is the one at fault here.I hope he gets the help he obviously needs, and failing that, I hope he winds up in a place where he can threaten no one.
    Let me second Miss Delta above, and say that I can imagine you are the best girlfriend anyone could have.
    Keep on shining.
    Best wishes from Oregon.

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    1. What a truly lovely comment. Thank you so much. First, people seem to have very strong reactions on the color orange. Quite strange! As for GG, I think the pandemic has put some people with "issues" over the edge. But in fact, I am just his latest victim - he is completely estranged from his family - they knew. And I am so grateful for all my CC friends.

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  18. It says more about the people who say these things than it says about you. A college football coach said, “Don’t take criticism from someone from whom you wouldn’t take advice.” Keep doing what you do. Plenty of us love it, even if some of us disagree with your take on driftwood. Not naming names. 😀

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    1. That's a quote for life. Thanks for the reminder, Sharon.

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    2. Agreed. This blog is refreshing in very sense of the word.

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    3. Sharon - Such a great quote - thank you. The driftwood comment had me laughing out loud. Hysterical. That goes way back! I am happy that despite my HG being full of Coastal decor, there is absolutely no DRIFTWOOD!!!!!!

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  19. I am always surprised at how negative people can be. You are not forcing yourself on someone so if they are not happy with your blog do not read it. Very simple. Do know there are many of us who really enjoy your blog and wish you all the best.

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  20. I grew up with the following thought (as I am sure many here did as well): "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Everyone is entitled to their very own opinion but this is not a license to be hurtful, hateful or overly- judgmental. These commenters are most likely very unhappy in their own lives and lashing out at others from the computer screen is so easy for them. Be nice, people!

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    1. Anonymity is empowering in a bad way for many unfortunately.

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  21. Though this is nothing to laugh about, I must admit that I did get a giggle out of it the way you wrote it. What is wrong with people? Find something else better to do with your time than to try and hurt someone. Thank you for editing these horrible posts, but I am so sorry that you have to read them. Too bad they haven’t come up with an app that does the editing for you by sending those types of comments directly to the trash before you get to them. I love your style and I love you.

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    1. Thank you so much. I am actually quite thick skinned. I just wanted followers to understand the delay in posting, but I appreciate all the comments.

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  22. Love your style!!!👍👍👍

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  23. This is why I never wanted a social media account. The only thing I subscribe to is my local nextdoor.com, which requires people to use their real names, and I'm still appalled at some of the things people say. I'm in agreement with Sharon and teaorwine: "It says more about the people who say these things than it does about you", and "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". And as for the licentious posters, they sound as if they are a bunch of 13 year old boys.

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  24. Haters gonna hate! Ignore them. A friend told me she did not like that I had painted my living room SW Windy Blue which makes my blue&white collection pop...if she wants to pay my mortgage, I’ll paint it whatever color she likes!

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  25. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! to you for sharing your life. And for saving all of us from nasty commenter's upchuck.
    May you always have chandeliers and sushi,
    C.

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    1. Thank you. Chandeliers and Sushi would be a great title for something - LOL.

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  26. There is so much hurt out there now. People are criticizing everything. I even read a hurtful comment against a mother for the face coverings she bought for her children. In one week, you have come so far. Just ignore/delete the haters and continue your plans. The rest of us love your blog and want only the best for you.

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    1. So true, I think we could all use more support and less criticism in these stressful times. Thank you so much.

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  27. Change for GG?!! That’s worse than the criticisms and bawdy questions. Hell, no! I’m happy you are OUT! Live well and be happy.

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    1. Yes, that was the worst of all. I pray she doesn't have daughters. Thank you.

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  28. I fear we are in a perfect storm. I think the current political atmosphere has "unleashed the hounds" of hate and defines civil discourse for wimps and sissies. Added to the mostly anonymous world of blogging, where now people can say hideous, hateful things behind a digital veil.

    Tandori! Tandori! Tandori! which I have nominated as an official synonym for joy, is a perfect example. Painting your guest bathroom in this exotic color brought you great joy. You love it and that's all that matters. That some nameless taste critic would dare say your small guest bathroom would cost you $1000's on resale is beyond intrusive (and small minded). I painted most of my downstairs black. People either love it or hate it. Those who hate it aren't "my kind of people" and I move on! Why should we decorate for the invisible future buyer? Let them buy primer and make this house their own. I live close to Kansas City and the suburbs there are known for their conservative (and insecure, IMOP) decorating tastes. In fact, there was a newspaper article that Johnson County's recycling center which mixes recycled paint by mixing colors together, that the result has been dubbed Johnson County beige! Glad I don't live there. And BTW I adore your new lamps and agree with Mr. Sterling about a side profile might be good...and if you agree, put him on a small riser/stack of books so that it covers the outlet. One of my personal idiosyncrasies!

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    1. Agree with all of your points as always. I never did get the concept of decorating the house for future buyers. I think the guest bath might end up being my favorite room. I will try elevating the elephant. Thanks.

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  29. Thank you for not giving in to such nastiness! There are just too many trolls out there. I love reading your blog even if it may not always be exactly as I would like to decorate. It's still inspiring.

    slf

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  30. Keep living your best life. Thank you for bringing us along for the ride.

    My mother said "when people criticize you they really are saying more about themselves than they are about you".

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    1. Your mother said it very well. Thank you - the best is yet to come.

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  31. I am so sorry you have been subjected to such negativity. That is just so uncivilized. As women, we are supposed to lift each other up, not tear each other down. I truly do not understand women like that. They must be grossly unhappy with their lives. Anyway, I enjoy your blog so much and always have. Thanks for taking the time to write it. By the way, I am ordering the blue and white sink and the wicker wastebasket cover!

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    1. You are so right about women supporting one another. Thank you. Hope you enjoy your purchases.

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  32. I come to your blog to see your lovely pictures and get inspiration in case I ever get to really decorate a room. I am not your style but I still love to look at your chinoiserie rooms. Those other people have too much time on their hands and too little brain power. Ignore them.

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  33. As others have said, rude, negative comments tell something about that person, not you. No empathy, and no good manners. I can’t say here what I want to. But phooey on them. You can just imagine what I want to say. Sometimes bad language is therapeutic. A friend taught me that. It works. 😊

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    1. Studies have shown that intelligent people swear more.

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  34. Holy CRAP! (I cleaned that up...!!!) After all you have endured and surmounted and THIS as well???!!!!! People make me SICK! You have handled this perfectly. This is your blog and your safe space. You are in no mood for any sort of nonsense here. Those folks don't know who they are messing with. Hugs!!!

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